I just need to say...

He's in a bad mood, and throws my decisions in my face. Yes, I choose to stay. I choose to protect your child, from everything if I can.. I choose stability, for your child. I choose him, because the alternative meant I wouldn't be keeping the promise to keep her safe! I stay because it protects her! One day, one day , it'll be you I'm standing up for against the world. For now I'm choosing your child! It's tearing me up day by day that I made this choice, because I love someone that was not stable or safe for her. At night I sleep with tear stains for a pillow, by day I force myself to smile and joke like I'm not dying by the second. A voice soothe the hurting, but it does not stop it. And the accusations, the apparent lack of understanding makes it bleed more... I choose you, my Wolf, I choose her...

..in every way i can get him.. ..in my heart.. ..in my arms.. ..between my legs.. ..against my skin.. ..exploring my body.. ..in my presence.. ..in my life.. ..feel him..

So, as i said, this is me. The last of my bleeding soul, spilling to the floor... As my best friend once warned, there would one come a day when all the duct tape and super glue would not be enough to patch this old ragged heart... i guess you were right, ShadowWolf, you saw it long before i did... i'll do the best i can to stick around for those i must, but if this is, in fact, the last straw..... So be it. i've fought for years, i'm too tired to keep fighting. Existing will have to be enough...

i made my choice, i'm staying to honor the vow. i'm staying, because i said i would. i'm staying, because its the right thing to do. i vowed, health and sickness, good and bad, till death. So i stay.. so why does that feel like it was the wrong decision?? i talked it over with O. He understands, he even supports it, when he sees things are good, but when they're not - when he sees that i'm struggling,  he asks me "why?" And the only answer i have is because i promised. I can't look at a different decision and feel good about myself. i can't look at breaking the vow and feel worthy of new vows anywhere in the future - because i won't see my word as true. i can't break faith with one, and see anyone else expecting me to keep to the next vow, if there is one. So i stay, i bleed a little from the soul each day. i struggle to smile, i struggle to be 'her' for him each day. i break a little each day when im not where i want to be, who i w...

Its a fair question, as everyone understands it differently. Love, to me, is admiration, of body, of mind, of personality. Love is a longing to keep a person in one's life. Love is a desire to protect and defend. Love is that yearning to share every part of one's life with another. Love is safety, security, both felt and given. Love is respect for the other, the kind of respect that is earned through an understanding of the other person. Love is seeing the flaws in another and being willing and able to embrace those flaws. Love is a longing to help the other person be a better version of themselves, through compassion and acceptance. Love is lifting up the other person when they've fallen, supporting them, understanding that their mistakes are their own, and feeling a desire to help lift that person up out of the mire of their mistakes anyway. Love is a sense of the other person, even when they're not near you, a tickle in the mind, a desire to share experiences with th...