Letters to my best friend...

  Text from O

Fuck.. my thoughts just connected some dots for me as to why today is hitting me a bit too hard... Today is Opening Day for SoCal Faire (Irwindale) Today is my first extended family son's birthday (Timon) And unhappy that I'll likely not be able to pop in on you today.. I want to curl into a corner and cry, scream, laugh, fall apart... I want to be wrapped in your arms while everything hits me.. the one person I want comfort from I won't be able to seek it. FMD I guess.

Tomorrow is the passing of my first adopted son's bd. He'd be 38 now I think, we'll, he is 38 now I think. Not that I get to speak to him, or write him, or see him... See, about a decade ago he got tangled in drugs, had a spat with his girlfriend, and launched off the deep end of sanity. Ever seen a swan dive, that was my son, bed sheet wrapped around his girlfriend's throat, bound so tightly she couldn't breathe. He was convicted of two counts of manslaughter, once for her, and once for his unborn child. So when I tell you that I'm not afraid of you, know I've seen the ugly side of people. My parents and my brother used to fight, with raised voices and occasionally open hands across the jaw. I shy away from loud voices, because I heary past. But my papa raised a strong willed daughter, and though raised voices make me uncomfortable, I'm not afraid to stand up and stand my ground. What does all of this have to do, you're not doubt wondering, and trut...