Letters to my best friend...

Slowly coming to think (or realize) that my obsession with O isn't good for me. O is an alcoholic, this is known. I know hes also a flirt. But apparently this last big is a bigger problem than I supposed. When he drinks, other ladies become targets. He professes to love me, but then I hear that hes all over others; aggressively flirting with others. Would it be wrong of me to demand he show me how much he loves me by taking better care of himself and going through rehab to get clear of his addiction to the alcohol? Ive sworn I wont try to fix him, but i cant guarantee that he'd be mine right now, if he is still drinking and going after others. And I so want him to be mine. As poly as I am, i'm ready to be fully his, and only his. But I wont leave E for O if O is still fighting this chemical demon... I wont put myself into a relationship where I have to question every person hes around. I dont like the jealousy I feel. I dont like that monster in me.

So last night I had a talk with M, one that left me hurting and pissed, and more conflicted than ever. They've been feeling like i have been putting O first in everything. Shifting my plans so that O can join,  Changing my plans when O can't join. Getting mad at me when I talk to O on the phone, especially while I'm out running errands. They mind less when it's Visitation for J, but they still don't like it. They've been getting more and more upset as the days have moved on,  feeling like they are less and less important. Sighting one dr appointment that I moved around so that O could join, because K had previously asked for him to be there. They've grown uncomfortable around him. They don't want to be near him, certainly not alone with him, yet I still love him. For better or worse, I'm still there. K apparently have now taken to not talking to me because I keep asking them to give him chances that they don't want to give anymore. He keeps slipp...