Feeling Trapped and Masking Darkness
When a person starts seriously contemplating leaving husband and kids, you know something is seriously wrong at 'home' - somehow. In this case, it's the mind, heart, and soul. I found myself this morning considering finding my aunt's mailing address, writing her a letter, and then following that letter days later. " Aunt Brenda, I know we aren't close, but we're about to fix that. I'm coming to stay with you until I can get on my feet... " Only, I haven't written that letter cause responsibility holds me here. I promised 'forever' and 'until the rose dies, with a frozen rose that couldn't die'. I had kids, kids I find myself occasionally spiteful of. I'm raising a foster child, another responsibility I can't shirk, but it doesn't chafe as much. The husband is fine; caring, supportive, usually understanding, loving even. I even love him; but it doesn't feel solid anymore. Lately, it's felt ...