Letters to my best friend...

Well, today started slowly. It was too cold outside for me to be willing to go out and do the spring cleaning in the rabbit shed that I planned to do last night. Though, around 1pm I finally got up the motivation to see the task started. I and the two kids I had help me got all but 1 cage finished (to back to, tomorrow). I'm eager for Saturday, where I'll be buying 2 new Dutch; 1 for my middle, and 1 for myself. I'm moderately disappointed that I didn't go to Parhump like I'd planned, but with too much negativity around the whole trip I decided not to go. Just means I sit around the house doing next to nothing because I've got nothing else to do. I wish I could spend some time with O like I'd had planned for today, but it is what it is. I'll sit here, alone (because the girls are all in separate parts of the house doing their own thing) and my husband is at work until midnight.

Today we go to face off with your X, and all I feel is trepidation; mixed with anticipation. I want to help you win free of the toxicity that is She.  By nightfall, you were raging, and I understood its core. You screamed and yelled, and I listened to every word. You railed against me, against Torrin; and we took it. You tossed me aside, and called me trash; and it hurt, I won't say it didn't. You deserve honesty from me, if no one else, your words - pushing me away, hurt…a lot. Ripped apart the heart of my strength and ground it into the dirt. I wanted to walk away, just so you would stay - but I knew, that wasn't what you really wanted. So I kept myself firmly in my seat, held myself in check, and fought down the grief that was rocking through me in that moment. Yes, you read (or heard) that right, grief, not anger. I felt, with those words, that I'd lost everything I'd been fighting for. To be honest, a day later, I'm still not sure.