Letters to my best friend...

Holy freckle, cricket! Today has been the most subdued uneventful day I've had in a long time! I talked with O for 50 minutes so on the phone, and felt peace fall over me. I want to be a part of his life, and he a part of mine; but i set a boundary the other day I wont go back on. I want a sober partner, and a monogamous one to boot. If I am to be his and give of myself fully, I need him to do the same. He told me today that I generally has a rule about going after married women, but he broke that rule for me. He also asked me how to tell his ex that he was done with her, and I advised him to do it bluntly, and clearly; not to leave doors or windows open. If hes done with her, as he says, it must be fully and completely. The obvious exception being their daughter. Apparently, too, he must close windows with some "Maria" from his past, as well. I dont know her, but the name alone strikes cords in my head that i'm having problems reconciling. My "Maria" is now...

Spent the last three days (and two nights) at my brother's. Finally started to feel some peace. Spent a majority of those with O at my side - and there is where the peace stemmed from. Finally verbalize what I want of him. And for that moment, he felt the same; there is some comfort in that. My O.. mine.. not hers, or someone else's; mine. Mine to cherish; not own. I know there is a difference. Mine in heart and soul, mine to dream about and hope for, guard and shelter (for all that O needs protecting and sheltering, he's a strong, capable, independent man); and one day, maybe not today or tomorrow or even next week, but one day mine.