I just need to say...

For days I've been silent, enjoying your company, enjoying the company of those around me. Reveling in the reconnection with precious old friends. And then last night broke overhead like a thundercloud. I pushed perhaps a little too hard, and your snapped back at me. The same tirade of having been alone too long, and being fine with being alone. So, in anger, though I knew you didn't mean it, I walked away. Not because I was done, but because all I wanted to do was grab a fist full of those bleached curls and shut you up. But there were eyes to witness, so I walked away instead. Too frustrated to say anything. I won't give up, I've made that commitment You're concerned that you crossed boundaries, but I pushed them, too. I got under your skin, and got a rise out of you.  But it does not change what I said. I choose to stand by your side, to help you get your life back.

Today I was struck by your manners. Breakfast was made, and finished, and you took empty plates to the kitchen. The profile you cut as you stood there was breathtaking and I couldn't help but feel a wave of appreciation

Today, as I worked out problems with Danni, the only one I wanted to talk to about it was you. Not because it had to do with you, but because you had a point of view that voiced that which I didn't want to.  Your innocence when it comes to the animals is adorable. It pulls a smile from me every time you find something out you didn't know before. Today I felt so much pride wash over me, you had stress come up and brush your cheek, and you kept yourself in check. You didn't let yourself get angry at a ‘little brother’; and then, even more impressive you controlled yourself when your x-in-laws brought you more stress. I couldn't begin to express how very happy it made me to hear you taking steps to control your mood. It was another glimpse of a man I saw lurking in your eyes all those months ago. The man who could take in the stress, and walk among those shadows without the need to act. I wanted nothing more at that moment than to wrap my arms around you and give you some ...

Another reason I don't want to get between the ‘whatever’ that is between you and Danni, is because I know if I start defending you to him; he'll see. He'll see the affection, the favoritism, and the admiration. I want to go to my friends, those I trust, and talk about how much you mean to me. I want to tell Kathy, D, and anyone else who will listen about the piece of ME you've stolen. But I also want to keep it quiet, to relish you, alone; and not let the world intrude. I want those I care about to know the YOU I see when the turmoil weighs you down, the YOU I see when someone stacks stress on your shoulders; the YOU I see each day. While we were out today, the car was full, and it struck me how complete I felt. You in the car, and your bobbin, and my bobbins; the music blaring and just rolling down the street. I felt at peace. A part of me felt excitement at the idea of a family road trip; a bigger part than I'd have anticipated.

  I ask you to remember that as a witch, symbols mean a great deal to me - they carry meaning and significance. Take note of the rings I wear, and in which order; the necklace I wear, and the jewelry, they all have Meaning to me. Can you be content in a shadow roll on my heart? The feelings are very real, but I've no reason to break vows and until then... I wear our band closest to my heart, nearest to my lifeblood, because with every waking day, I find myself closer to you. With everything you do, I see a man growing in strength, and healing from years of trauma. I know you will never be 'whole', that you will always be 'healing'; it is the nature of your wounds. But one day, I believe, you won't be so on edge and afraid of snapping or hurting someone. And if it ever comes, a day when you do hurt someone, they'll have deserved every drop of sweat you gave them. When your energy is through the roof, and you're bouncing off the walls, I find it to be into...

  As dawn colors the night sky, I find myself drawn to your gaze.. I seek to put to word that which I feel, but find only images too overwhelming to describe. I hear you laugh, and the sound cascades through the air. A glance from across the table leaves me craving more. Your anger sends vibrations through my soul. You seek to comfort me as the past casts shadows in my gaze. But there is no comfort in the mistakes of the past, they are done, and one must live with what has passed. Tomorrow's promise is new and undiscovered, another day for better choices. A rapid pulse with a simple glance, a stirring I cannot deny. When I ask myself why I fell, I am reminded. Your loyalty is unrelenting, Your soul, while damaged, is pure and sincere. You love, without restraint. You are honest, polite, and respectful of those who've earned your respect. You are crystal clear about your intentions, about your hopes and dreams; and you refuse to back down. You've been hurt so often that you ...