gone a night, and all I want to do when you return, dusty, dirty with grease and oil, is grab your face and kiss it. Damn, I'm hooked. I find I want you, all of you, but I can't; and I have to remind myself of this. I want to snake myself around you, envelope you, and make you mine completely but the marriage vow holds me back. You flirt and tempt and tease, and to be sure a part wants to answer, but just can't. The stolen kisses have been delicious, but I cant see myself going further no matter how much I really want to. I crossed that line one life before, I won't do so again; no matter the lust and the temptation.
my kids think I dont put them first
If they only knew... if I were selfish, I'd have left them here with E years ago, without a word.. before the eldest moved out on their own, I'd have left. I'd have left when E left the first bruise (accidentally, though it was) on their arm while restraining them to punish them for something I can't even remember today. I'd have left E the day he accidentally choked my youngest, who was only trying to protect they're elder sibling from the wrath they felt sure they saw in his eyes after learning the middle had self-harmed. Blaming me for not checking on them, when the greater harm had been to the middle and I was checking on them! Protecting the middle from what I saw was the greater threat, E. But I stay here! To protect their ungrateful asses from the man I said vows to, though every second of every day I regret it deeper and deeper in my heart. My kids don't think I put them first when I find solace of any kind in the proximity of O - but they...have......
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