Selfish, yea, maybe.

I guess I was wrong about you coming out of hiding. You're either still angry with yourself or angry with me; cause you barely talk to me these days. I know as people are more familiar with you there is less reason to talk - but every day things are evolving, and of late I feel as though you're pulling away. I grew so used to you in the house, your eyes, your breath, your presence; that the emptiness is cutting at me. I swore to you that while our time wasn't now, you were my final destination - and I feel like that's been denied me now. I don't blame you, if so - my actions compromised your custody of your daughter (a thing I'd take back in a split second if I could).

You tell others that you're not mad at me (and it brought me to tears to hear you say it), but I don't feel it. Maybe it's just my guilt that's eating at me, and you really aren't mad at me - but it's hard to tell when you don't hang out anymore. You come in for food, and leave; I go back to chill and you bury your attention in your phone. I feel unwanted, by you or by myself. I begin to think it may be smarter to just start feeding all of my emotions to HellKatt again; then it won't hurt so much to have fallen for someone I may never have in the capacity I want them.