Selfish, yea, maybe.

it's several hours after the DCFS worker was here conducting interviews. I'm not sure what all you said to her, I was nearby but had enough noise going on around me that I couldn't eavesdrop. I didn't want to either, what you said is your business, but I wanted to be sure the kids didn't interrupt.

It wasn't long after she left that you did, too; not the ranch, but the house. And still, I don't want to push.

All I keep hearing is “I don't want to go.” but I'm not sure if it's coming from you or me. I've been so messed up in the head, that I can't even watch a full st episode (something that's never happened to me before, usually that show puts me at ease). So here I sit, outside, on my deck, in the dark; smelling the smoke from the thousands of fires burning around us, and it's just about the only peace I've felt these last few days… been out here, sitting here so long, the dogs have lost interest in me.

When I look up, I see the pool: greening now from lack of care; and I find myself asking your memory yet again, if you'd nonebit on purpose. Did you try to take your own life, whether because of your depression or some other reason? That was truly the day you started to pull away. The day you stopped talking to me, and the day I had to start asking if I somehow hurt you?