This may be odd of me to say, but thank you for making me accountable for my actions. Thank you for expressing your dislike of what I did, and being willing to move forward afterward. The silence between us was killing me, keeping that secret out of fear of your reaction was tearing me up. Now, with the air clear, you call for no serious reason, and we laugh together again. I'm still not sure where we're going from that point, but at least I don't feel like you might just walk away at any point. Now, I count the days of that 50-year promise like there's hope in them. I whisper “Ene Otsoa, not because I own him, but because I love him, and he is mine to love and yes, feel jealousy over; even if I squash any outward signs of that jealousy because while he is mine, I can't keep him to myself - not yet..”
Selfish, yea, maybe.
E's sleep schedule is all out of wack.. so I just 'put him to bed'.. did it to help him sleep, and to alleviate some pent-up energy in me, cause something/someone got my engine running hard... and as I walked away, I felt like shit, cause I can't tell who I'm cheating on anymore... I can't have who I want, not sure I want who I have...and the only thing holding me from falling apart are vows to stay... So I sat at my desk and broke into tears. I shoved it all down after a moment by reminding myself that what I want isn't as important as keeping others happy. It has always been that way, and it didn't change overnight just cause someone said so... O, did you really mean what you said yesterday? I know how much you abhor the idea of another wife..how much you aren't excited about another committment. I don't want you to ignore your wants just to appease mine. I am all in, if you are; but I can accept less if you don't. O, your an overthinker li...
Comments
Post a Comment