so he left for work this morning, dropping a bomb on me that made my heart stutter… “I was thinking of suicide yesterday, and crying in my car…” and he walked out the door. This after sleeping yet again in the recliner. All this because I didn't tell him I was out of the house for a greater portion of the day, and he says it has nothing to do with who was at the other end of that visit. So I wandered the house a bit, looking at things. What can I leave, what would I pack… I could leave most of this behind. I'd have to, I can't afford it by myself, I've not ignored this. I didn't hide my trip from him, not with the reasons he believes. I ‘hid’ it because i knew I'd be back before he got off work. I ‘hid’ it because i know how much his jealousy affects him, even though he claims it doesn't exist. He sent away the person I told him had become my best friend because he became my best friend, because he knows that no one has taken that title since I was teenager - not even him. He claims he did it to protect the family from what he saw was a toxic person, but won't hear that his opinion has been tainted by jealousy.
You talk about cutting ties, because you don't want to come between him and I - without realizing that I could love both if he could get over his jealousy. You have never been a threat to his marriage; he has, and I have perhaps. I like to keep my things to myself, I don't share me easily. I share my opinions, views and advice; but I don't share me. SW knew ME, Mordechai knew ME, Dragon knew ME, and maybe Torrin knows ME; everyone else knew my opinions, views and advice. And then you came along, and to help you and because I needed someone, I let you in.
I need a better idea of how possessive you are acceptable to me being. I want to claim you mine, fully and completely, but I can't for reasons we both know. Until that changes, though, how possessive can I feel with crossing lines? I have to be civil to E, but should I start O chasing off the other kilt sniffer?
Intrusive thoughts: I can't lose anyone else, another loss could very well be the death blow for me. One large step back, and HellKatt or someone else can take the body, no more sharing. Damn the familial ties, they won't mean anything if I loss anyone else…
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