Selfish, yea, maybe.

tonight, of all nights, I wish you were closer. The veil is at its thinnest tonight and I wish I could honor those I've lost with those I've gained, and somehow lost. I know you never wanted to stay here, that you were fine alone, but that you now are not tells me you never were. I just wish it hadn't taken burning bridges for you to realize this. I swear to you, if I'd had an inkling of how close we'd grow and how much it would hurt and sour the long winter day I would have chosen differently. I regret the grief you feel in being so distantly alone, but at least now you're realizing that you weren't as alone on the Ranch as the alcohol let you feel.

Thank you, for asking today, instead of just going out to buy. I know the strength it took to listen and say those words; and I considered saying no, but I know what stress you're under and what strength it took to resist until you had someone's permission. I love you, deeply, and our short talks rip me apart, remembering when we could talk all day. Songs on the radio push me to tears, and I struggle to fight them back; because you don't want to see them fall. Yes, I know you can't see them from there, but I know you can sense the shifts, just as I sense yours. I felt the rising anxiety this afternoon, though I knew not why. I felt the drop after the first call, and the heavier drop after the second..

I feel you, my Wolf. My lovely lonely wolf. My passionate, protective direwolf. My Wolf, answering to few others.