Selfish, yea, maybe.

A hard day for both of us, for differing reasons. Veteran's day. Last night I spent an hour texting with you, well after I'd ‘gone to bed’ because you needed to talk. And I'd do it again, time and again. It does not give me stress to be your sounding board, my love, because at least when I hear from you, I know you're still trying. I'm trying with Josh, too, as much as I can. I have nothing ⁴heavy against him to break those vows, so I continue to try. He's making an effort, or he did for a conversation and hasn't since. But he's told me he sees J as one of his own, feels as protective of her as his own blood; so I worry less about him throwing all my efforts under the bus.

Thank you for having J and I up today. She needed it, I needed it, you needed it.

I spent of the time trying not to pin you to a wall, any wall, and rake My nails down your chest, or back; resisting the urge to smother you when the door was closed and it was just us, and so obviously needed it. I wanted to, but I knew if I did, I wouldn't have stopped with the kiss. The claw to the stomach was as close as I dared come to allowing myself to follow through with anything, and even that was holding back. Tomorrow is a new day, and I wish I'd found some plausible excuse to stay, but again, the wrong road. Tomorrow is a new day, a new day of wishing we'd figured shit out sooner, another day of anger germinating and being fed to the cat… Another night where the dreams bring more comfort than the days.