Holy.. woke up this morning hungry as hell... growled to myself, went back to sleep, woke again still hungry... This hunger is making me a little uneasy, cause all I want is to OWN you, to make you realize that no other can. This hunger is blinding me, filling me, consuming me; I want to mark you mine. But you're not mine, and I shouldn't mark you so. But waking these last few days, those are the thoughts grounding through my body. Waking in the morning, my thoughts aren't on him right away, until I realize he's there; they're on you, and wondering why you're not beside me, or near me.
You told R about those few mornings when you'd wake in the house and I'd be watching over you, because I didn't dare go to you. In those early days while I was still sorting out what I was feeling, trying to convince myself that I wasn't falling head over tail, that you were this horrible man you presented yourself to be. Those early mornings, when all I saw was the shadows that played over your features, showing me another man behind that battle hardened exterior, the softer, gentler man you struggled to hide and protect. So I sat in my chair watching, observing, trying to understand. Craving a touch, a glance, a noise that wasn't mine.
And today, I woke with that hunger raging through my body, repulsed by the options present, but hungry none the less; so I clutched to my blanket tighter, and forced myself back to sleep. Only to wake again with the same hunger, and the same release option I didn't want. I want you, all of you, and only you.
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