i found it flattering that you spent time yesterday explaining to me and assuring me that you and R weren't a ‘thing’ not once, but several times. I know you're doing that because you've been reading these, and you know my own insecurities. I had fun yesterday, and I'd have to agree, distance does make the heart grow fonder. I used to think otherwise; that distance allowed the heat of emotion to cool over time. But yesterday when you called a private conference, my heart stopped as that door latched closed and the room went dark. I'll admit, a part of me wished a kiss had been stolen in those moments of darkness, but then the light clicked on, and you were further away than when you'd closed the door. I had to swallow my heart then, because if I hadn't well, whose to say what I might have said when I opened my mouth to talk, even in that instant. And then you asked for head pats, without asking for head pats; chaperones. The distance certainly is not letting my ardour fade.
Selfish, yea, maybe.
E's sleep schedule is all out of wack.. so I just 'put him to bed'.. did it to help him sleep, and to alleviate some pent-up energy in me, cause something/someone got my engine running hard... and as I walked away, I felt like shit, cause I can't tell who I'm cheating on anymore... I can't have who I want, not sure I want who I have...and the only thing holding me from falling apart are vows to stay... So I sat at my desk and broke into tears. I shoved it all down after a moment by reminding myself that what I want isn't as important as keeping others happy. It has always been that way, and it didn't change overnight just cause someone said so... O, did you really mean what you said yesterday? I know how much you abhor the idea of another wife..how much you aren't excited about another committment. I don't want you to ignore your wants just to appease mine. I am all in, if you are; but I can accept less if you don't. O, your an overthinker li...
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