Selfish, yea, maybe.

its a new year for me, my love. Gaia has gone to rest, The days will shorten and the nights lengthen. And with those long nights my yearning will grow, I can feel it already. Today, I dropped J off at school, my bobbins still home asleep, E off to work, so time to myself; and the words whispering through the silence is that this isn't fair! The fates stole my Wolf from me! A tear rolls unchecked, and then another, as the silence lingers. I wish that silence was lined with your deep breathing, but even that is now denied me. Last night would have seen a perfect cap if you'd found a way to rush to us and send the night away with a warm embrace, but that only happened in my dreams. It's no wonder I've been rushing to sleep these last few days, there, at least I can see you without fears. I wake in the morning, clutching at, and sometimes wearing your ring, close to my heart. My eyelids lift with the traces of hope that you'll be there in waking, to find the room filled with another. I love him, too, don't mistake, but he isn't you. Anyway, I need to set about cleaning this mess of a home, and I'm not doing that while writing this. But I needed a moment to pour this out so I could bottle it up again and move forward. I love you, my Wolf, above all else; you are the reason I'm keep pushing forward now. Because you ask it of me.

Now you're talking of buying a place with K, and I understand, but it's ripping me apart. You talk about my having a place to escape to, and I love the idea, but I already have that and may take it. I didn't think I'd have so many problems with you talking future plans with someone else, but every word tears me up; and i get to thinking that I've been lossing you with every step. -sniffle cough gag- I'm truly caught up in who I see when I look at you, who i hear when you're talking, and who I'm with when I'm dreaming.