Selfish, yea, maybe.

so i knew today you said you were going, I thought maybe you'd squirrel it away like most things. Then she called to talk to the cub, and your voice came over the phone. I immediately slammed down on the sting that rose like bile in the back of the throat. I can't be jealous of her, I won't let myself. She's a part of your past, present, and future; she has every right to be somewhere in your life. But the selfish part of me wants her to kick rocks as much as you want mine to kick rocks. I miss you, not but days past and it feels like weeks. Then I heard she might be going with Sunday, and the bile rose again. Forced to the hide, again, the emotions I struggle to keep suppressed the rest of the week, those which i can only openly show around those who barely know me, and support what we share anyway. I am open to understanding, but this pang of jealousy is dangerous in me, unpredictable, erratic, and a completely new aspect of my personality that I'm not sure i can control. I don't want to be jealous, specially not of her, but here I am.