Selfish, yea, maybe.

and there it is. The point i have been dreading for a year or so. Your favoriliest person isn't me, and her disapproval has broken us. Laying beside you to cuddle has been some of the best few moments for me, and now it's over. Back to fighting the urge to be nearer to you, even just to be nearer. I knew I shouldn't, but R's encouragement was intoxicating, and your flirting. I had to try to taste what I couldn't allow myself to taste while you were on the Ranch, because I knew - I KNEW - if the bobbins found out it would end. And that taste of what I'll never get, was so fulfilling. The arms wrapped protectively around my shoulders as we just laid there talking (talking about what else we wanted to do) now has me sleeping with weighted stuffed animals draped across my ribs in a feeble attempt to keep that memory clear.

But you have R, and for the most part I see you happy with her. I can accept that, crushingly. But, my love, I still want to end my days by your side somehow. Don't become another Dragon in my past, I beg you. It was only with your help that I was able to shake the shackles of old emotions tying me to him; after you, there will be no one to help me shake these bindings. This was how things began to fracture with him so many years ago, and it nearly destroyed me. E won't be around forever, and when he's gone, well, we'll see what happens then.

I bound myself to you, Ene Otsoa, and I will not set aside those bonds; supress them if I must, but I won't and can't set them aside. They are as much a part of me as the blood in my veins and the breath in my lungs. Whatever else comes, this truth I set before you months ago, and remind again.