I'm scared I'm losing you. I know I never truly had you, but you had me, have me; and after yesterday, I'm scared that's fading. I want to yank you back into the embrace we never shared, to wake up next to you like i never did. Even writing this I'm trembling, it hurts. I haven't really slept in 24 hours, because I'm afraid of the dreams to come, because I'm scared the nightmares may well be back, in force. But here I am sitting in a house alone, stuggling to keep it together for the sake of others. This is me, maybe overthinking, maybe not.
Selfish, yea, maybe.
E's sleep schedule is all out of wack.. so I just 'put him to bed'.. did it to help him sleep, and to alleviate some pent-up energy in me, cause something/someone got my engine running hard... and as I walked away, I felt like shit, cause I can't tell who I'm cheating on anymore... I can't have who I want, not sure I want who I have...and the only thing holding me from falling apart are vows to stay... So I sat at my desk and broke into tears. I shoved it all down after a moment by reminding myself that what I want isn't as important as keeping others happy. It has always been that way, and it didn't change overnight just cause someone said so... O, did you really mean what you said yesterday? I know how much you abhor the idea of another wife..how much you aren't excited about another committment. I don't want you to ignore your wants just to appease mine. I am all in, if you are; but I can accept less if you don't. O, your an overthinker li...
Comments
Post a Comment