so yesterday I got very little sleep, I was in my head too much. Not too sure I'm not still in my head (it's a very dark place, when i don't have other voices to keep the light on) but I slept last night. Today I'm worried that maybe I'm just fucking everything up for everyone. I'm the leash that stole J from O, and that knowledge has been eating at me. I was acting to protect J, as I was asked to; but when I leaked the information I didn't expect it to blow up so very much. I though it would only push O to get more aggressive help! I didn't mean for it to become such a mess!! I know he's okay because J is safe, but this shouldn't have gotten to this point!! I want to curse the stars for letting it get this bad…
Now I stay in a marriage I'm not sure if want to be in anymore, to keep J safe and secure. I'm scared that if CPS find out that I'm romantically inclined to O they'll take her away from me, too; and i can't risk that. I have to hold tight to her, to keep my oath to protect her. This oath is overlaying the marriage oath to E. I can't lose this child, she's very much a part of my soul now.
https://www.facebook.com/reel/1278176393299213?mibextid=9drbnH&s=yWDuG2&fs=e
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