For the record, the last three days have been a delight. Talking to you on the phone like teenage sweethearts.. ANYWAY, I also wanted to go on the record to say, weekly visits are killing me. Not the visits themselves, but the week gap between them. The dying part (selfish part) of me wants to demand that Josh put a small single person unit in the back seven and demand you move in; just so you're close again. The jealous part of me has some nasty designs for R (who hurt you) and K (who may mean well, but is also a dangerous snake), and it's strength is on the rise. K has apparently told D the reason you were kicked off the ranch was because you laid hands on people here. I set him straight (not on the actual why) but on the actual NOT why of the eviction. I want to tell you about this revelations, but I don't want to add stress to your shoulders. But Otsoa, please, be careful how far you trust her to help you.
Selfish, yea, maybe.
E's sleep schedule is all out of wack.. so I just 'put him to bed'.. did it to help him sleep, and to alleviate some pent-up energy in me, cause something/someone got my engine running hard... and as I walked away, I felt like shit, cause I can't tell who I'm cheating on anymore... I can't have who I want, not sure I want who I have...and the only thing holding me from falling apart are vows to stay... So I sat at my desk and broke into tears. I shoved it all down after a moment by reminding myself that what I want isn't as important as keeping others happy. It has always been that way, and it didn't change overnight just cause someone said so... O, did you really mean what you said yesterday? I know how much you abhor the idea of another wife..how much you aren't excited about another committment. I don't want you to ignore your wants just to appease mine. I am all in, if you are; but I can accept less if you don't. O, your an overthinker li...
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