For the record, the last three days have been a delight. Talking to you on the phone like teenage sweethearts.. ANYWAY, I also wanted to go on the record to say, weekly visits are killing me. Not the visits themselves, but the week gap between them. The dying part (selfish part) of me wants to demand that Josh put a small single person unit in the back seven and demand you move in; just so you're close again. The jealous part of me has some nasty designs for R (who hurt you) and K (who may mean well, but is also a dangerous snake), and it's strength is on the rise. K has apparently told D the reason you were kicked off the ranch was because you laid hands on people here. I set him straight (not on the actual why) but on the actual NOT why of the eviction. I want to tell you about this revelations, but I don't want to add stress to your shoulders. But Otsoa, please, be careful how far you trust her to help you.
my kids think I dont put them first
If they only knew... if I were selfish, I'd have left them here with E years ago, without a word.. before the eldest moved out on their own, I'd have left. I'd have left when E left the first bruise (accidentally, though it was) on their arm while restraining them to punish them for something I can't even remember today. I'd have left E the day he accidentally choked my youngest, who was only trying to protect they're elder sibling from the wrath they felt sure they saw in his eyes after learning the middle had self-harmed. Blaming me for not checking on them, when the greater harm had been to the middle and I was checking on them! Protecting the middle from what I saw was the greater threat, E. But I stay here! To protect their ungrateful asses from the man I said vows to, though every second of every day I regret it deeper and deeper in my heart. My kids don't think I put them first when I find solace of any kind in the proximity of O - but they...have......
Comments
Post a Comment