I can't win for losing!! I answer your needs over the girls, I get shit from the girls. I answer the girls' needs over yours, I get accused of not being in your corner. And people ask me what I'd do if I could go back in time and fix one mistake. Right now, it would be marrying Josh. I'd been old and bitter by the time I met you, but with your history maybe that'd be fine. I want, one day, to hear you refer to them as stepchildren, not siblings… I want to lay down to sleep next to you, wake up next to you, go through LIFE with you! I don't want either of our last days to be filled with regret (whenever they come) but mine already are. I regret not meeting you sooner.
Selfish, yea, maybe.
E's sleep schedule is all out of wack.. so I just 'put him to bed'.. did it to help him sleep, and to alleviate some pent-up energy in me, cause something/someone got my engine running hard... and as I walked away, I felt like shit, cause I can't tell who I'm cheating on anymore... I can't have who I want, not sure I want who I have...and the only thing holding me from falling apart are vows to stay... So I sat at my desk and broke into tears. I shoved it all down after a moment by reminding myself that what I want isn't as important as keeping others happy. It has always been that way, and it didn't change overnight just cause someone said so... O, did you really mean what you said yesterday? I know how much you abhor the idea of another wife..how much you aren't excited about another committment. I don't want you to ignore your wants just to appease mine. I am all in, if you are; but I can accept less if you don't. O, your an overthinker li...
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