Yesterday you asked me what I thought you should do. When I told you, again, to stop drinking you told me you didn't want to. I get it, is been an escape for you, for decades, to avoid dealing with things you don't want to, to avoid the memories that eat at you; but I also heard that you, my love, are finally at a point when you might be able to defeat that monster. You understood that I couldn't talk to you about the risk you put your child in (even though you'd never have done it sober), because you were so far gone in the sauce. You asked me what I wanted you to do; humble yourself a touch, stop drinking, and continue to own up to your mistakes. I've been seeing you do it for weeks now, and every step you take makes me proud to know you. I don't expect you to change the core you- is the man I love- but showing that you're learning; my Otsoa, that's fucking hot as hell..
Selfish, yea, maybe.
E's sleep schedule is all out of wack.. so I just 'put him to bed'.. did it to help him sleep, and to alleviate some pent-up energy in me, cause something/someone got my engine running hard... and as I walked away, I felt like shit, cause I can't tell who I'm cheating on anymore... I can't have who I want, not sure I want who I have...and the only thing holding me from falling apart are vows to stay... So I sat at my desk and broke into tears. I shoved it all down after a moment by reminding myself that what I want isn't as important as keeping others happy. It has always been that way, and it didn't change overnight just cause someone said so... O, did you really mean what you said yesterday? I know how much you abhor the idea of another wife..how much you aren't excited about another committment. I don't want you to ignore your wants just to appease mine. I am all in, if you are; but I can accept less if you don't. O, your an overthinker li...
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