HOW the fuck do I make this work?!? I want YOU, but I can’t have you without breaking vows that were already made… Neither of us approve of the ‘cheating’ scene; but we’re both head over kester for the other… I can’t break vows without ruining some measure of what trust you still have in me. I won’t ‘cheat’ as that will ruin what trust remains. But both of us feel what we feel, fight it as I have. I didn’t want to fall for you, I was content in my place, accepting of my chosen lot; and then you, with your battle-scars and broken spirit, entered into my orbit. You with all the physic I’ve always been drawn to, the physic that always caught my eye when I was out and about living my life. Tall, less lanky than I’d normally go for (David Tenant, Benedict Cumberbatch), but built sturdy. With a body like yours, it’s no wonder others have been attracted to you. I could feel jealousy towards every woman that looked at you sideway; could, and do. I want to be able to ‘show you off like a side of meat’ because I would be so very proud of having you at my side. Not because you’re a handsome guy, but because you have a golden heart.
Selfish, yea, maybe.
E's sleep schedule is all out of wack.. so I just 'put him to bed'.. did it to help him sleep, and to alleviate some pent-up energy in me, cause something/someone got my engine running hard... and as I walked away, I felt like shit, cause I can't tell who I'm cheating on anymore... I can't have who I want, not sure I want who I have...and the only thing holding me from falling apart are vows to stay... So I sat at my desk and broke into tears. I shoved it all down after a moment by reminding myself that what I want isn't as important as keeping others happy. It has always been that way, and it didn't change overnight just cause someone said so... O, did you really mean what you said yesterday? I know how much you abhor the idea of another wife..how much you aren't excited about another committment. I don't want you to ignore your wants just to appease mine. I am all in, if you are; but I can accept less if you don't. O, your an overthinker li...
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