Once again you're reminding me of my choice to honor old vows; like you wouldn't think less of me for bailing on such an oath, and question if I'd hold to the ones I made you..which i understand. I've asked myself the same question, over and over. My thoughts trace back to you.
Your smile, your eyes, your laugh, your voice, your humour, your jokes, they stick with me. They're scorched to my soul, even as words from the Dragon ("..So what had happened was...") once marked my soul. Those marks are now faded, still present, but faint like scars ripped too deep. You have been scored into my soul, not just your words, or your eyes, but you in whole.
When I almost lost you and I crumbled to the floor, when I heard you'd survived and I collapsed again; I knew I'd never write you out of my life. I knew that day as well drove away that trouble was on the horizon, and when it hit I almost loaded into the car and drove home in those moments. The only reason I didn't was because I couldn't see the wall in front of me, even as I staggered into it. When I tell you that I broke that night, at the thought of you leaving that way; it also speaks volumes of who i am.
I'm here with E, because of older vows, and to keep your child safe and out of the foster system. Yes you've suggested leaving state with her, and that would protect her for a while, but you would then be a fugitive for abduction. because we both know the other party would report it, not i.
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