O,

I was really glad that you wanted to talk to me today (well, yesterday). Something had happened between you and K, and you wanted to talk. The small thrill that cycled through was refreshing compared to the shell I'd felt all week.

So I called, and you explained what you'd found out about K, and the conversation slid slowly to other things that had been happening around you this week.

Slowly the conversation came around to my week, and I tried to explain my position. The anger seething under the surface. You told me you'd solve it by ghosting - something you once promised me you'd never do to me. You told me to focus on the kids, to patch things here; but it's seriously the last thing I want to think about. Things between me and my annoying brats will work itself out in time. But our bond will likely suffer for it.

You lecture me to compartmentalize what I'm feeling, find that smile you fell for and plaster it on, but that smile now is reserved for you. What others see is now some clone of what used to be. You saw the joy in my eyes when I talked about my rabbits. You saw the passion when I talked about my hobbies. I started to feel that joy when with you, and now...everything just feels hollow.

I 'mask' from sunrise to sunset because I don't have a choice (and fight back the tears of despair at night). The bobbins aren't comfortable with what I feel when you're around; so now you're not. My happiness has fled with you. I've spent this week trying to separate what I feel towards you from everything around me, and I've found that to not be possible.

I felt hollow before we met, before we connected, and then you helped me FEEL things again, while I tried to help you. I started to see that I was moving through my life as a phatom, pretending the while to be someone I wasn't. You reached out a hand to me in the dark, and when our finger tips brushed, the world ignited.

You want to punish me for my bobbins, fine; or not, since you don't see it that way; fine. But I swore to stand by you, to be here if you needed me, and that is what I'm trying to do. What happened to the promises you made me?

I'll stand here, 'frozen in place', waiting for you, in this life and the next. I swore I would be yours one day, if only the Fates allow it, and I will stand by that oath. You have the biggest portion of my fractured heart (pieced together from the fragments of who i was before we met), O, and my soul's-oath. One day, when the time is right, I'll be here waiting - you need only hold out your hand.

So I will it, so mote it be; when Bast sees me free of oaths, I am yours, if you'll have me.

Always...