priorities

So last night I had a talk with M, one that left me hurting and pissed, and more conflicted than ever.

They've been feeling like i have been putting O first in everything. Shifting my plans so that O can join,  Changing my plans when O can't join. Getting mad at me when I talk to O on the phone, especially while I'm out running errands. They mind less when it's Visitation for J, but they still don't like it. They've been getting more and more upset as the days have moved on,  feeling like they are less and less important. Sighting one dr appointment that I moved around so that O could join, because K had previously asked for him to be there.

They've grown uncomfortable around him. They don't want to be near him, certainly not alone with him, yet I still love him. For better or worse, I'm still there. K apparently have now taken to not talking to me because I keep asking them to give him chances that they don't want to give anymore. He keeps slipping and making comments she doesn't like, or doing things she doesn't like. So she's barley taking to me,  because she feels like I'm just brush things away, especially if it's something O did or said. Maybe she's right. But it's because O and I talk, about, about everything.

I tell him when something he's done or said bothers me. I understand that he's learning how to be human again, that his military and abusive past puts him in uneven ground compared to others. I won't walk away from that, or him, just because they can't understand it. I swore I'd be here for him, and I intend to keep it. There's just a few things we'll have to work through first. Staying here is slowly bleeding me dry, but at least here I have stability, if not the full love and understanding of a partner.