Talking to my bio-brother Allen...

I have Josh up my ass because I can't make him feel better (not literally, but sure feels like it), and I'm breaking a little very fucking day. Dealing with Federation BS (which actually helps a little, cause it is shit I actually can help with), and Mike and Carrie up my ass nearly every day trying to help and being extra-pain-in-the-assey in the process, my kids up my ass cause I'm not being much of a parent, Josh up my ass cause I'm barely taking care of myself cause I'm too damned busy taking care of him - and up my ass cause nothing else in the house seems to be getting accomplished (cleaning, repairs, etc) cause he desperately needs me at his side 99.999% of the time or he gets anxious (thinking of the day I left my phone in the car while trying to get him in earlier for dr appts and he had a full blown panic attack cause I was at a clinic and not answering his calls)

I just can't get a break! When I do sleep, and somehow wake up rested, it gets blown to shit within an hour cause I'm working overtime hours in minutes trying to keep his broke ass happy...

Then I get BS from Greene whining because he's not part of decision-making because he's a 'lowly captain' and feels like he should have more of a say than he's earned. I just want to scream, at him, at the world. Fuck my life!

I'm desperately in love with a man who isn't currently meant for me, and I feel like every time we talk I fuck something up. I've over stressed, probably over emotional, and dying a little every second of every day because I can't do what I want, to help the people I care most about.

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