a Day, Like Any Other..

0530: The alarm disturbed my dream. I reached over and snooze it, 5 minutes reprieve.

0535: That alarm again, another snooze and settle back down into my forest where I last saw a burly gray flecked wolf.

0540: I reach over and stop the alarm all together, bury my face in the weighted red panda I sleep with and move it up into my pillow where my head should be. Throw my feet out from under the covers, and stretch just a little.

From here, my morning gets hazy, I shuffle to the bathroom for my morning absolution, then back to the bedroom to get dressed for the day. The house is quiet, safe for the subtle drone of computer fans and the pattering of feline feet.

I move slowly to the stove to start water for my tea, and from there to my computer for the morning news. A stray thought flitters unsummoned across my mind, about better mornings with the low rumbles of a snoring giant in the livingroom. My hand itches to pull out my phone and message him, but I just as suddenly remember that is phone is suspended. I set my phone down on my desk, having pulled it from a hidden pocket at the thought, and sit down myself.

I grab my med tray and pull out the day's dose, and set it down to take up the cold water cup id also brought to my desk with my phone. I drop the pills in twos and threes into my mouth, take a swig and swallow. I check that task off my morning list, and hear the tea pot start to whistle.

The vinegar and honey mix well into the hot water, and as I sit down again at my desk the 0600 alarm sounds off.

--skipping ahead in the day-- im outside turning on the side hose for the goats, and in the trash that's been blown around i found bottles that cause memories to dance across my thoughts. I crumble a little, whispering out a plea, "Just come home already..." and I wipe away the tears that threaten to help the hose with its task.

I want him to come back, to join me as I struggle to restore balance. I statt up the music in my ear, and I hear "Friends Don't" and wipe away another tear. 

--dusk is falling now, I've spoken with you three times over the phone. Once to fill me in on what's happening for you, the second to vent about little (though it was really a continuation of the first call) and then the third time to complain about the Kunt trying to isolate and gaslight you.

At this point i dont get why you keep agreeing to help her, when all she does is use and abuse you (mentally, not physically).