Hellkatt is hitting panic buttons in her corner of my mind.. she was watching me fall apart as I headed up the hill, and building flood gates as I topped little mountain.. as I descended into LLA she started hitting every button she could as I compartmentalized.. I WANT to be your safe space, now and ever; and you, mine.

It rips me apart every time I'm forced to drive away, and it is by force - not by will. I drove home no faster than 65mph until I was told everyone was out running errands and no one could pick J up from the bus stop. I flew the last 45 minutes to the bus stop for her... for you.. for me.... and all the while, HellKat was hitting every button she could find, putting up red flags, etc.

You ask me to be your safe space, and its all I want. To not let you feel like I'm leaving you behind. To show you that while I'm not around physically, I'm not that far away mentally. Every day that you're not by my side, I slowly bleed from the soul. Every day is one more where I don't feel whole, feel fractured and lost. Every moment when I miss your voice has me cast adrift in white water rapids with a 9000 ft fall I'm tumbling towards.

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