Weeping Despair

Cried myself to sleep last night. The day went pretty pleasantly by, nothing remarkable happen.

I took J to see her mother as required by the courts, got balled out by O for not taking her to see him the day before. He was right, of course, but he was livid. I normally do what I can for him to see her on Saturdays, except when I have Federation plans; and while id had plans which I'd then cancelled Saturday, i hadn't taken her down to see him. He was right to be upset by it; but frustrations around other things led to him balling me out -- he apologized of course, but when it happened, and when we saw him today.

I hadn't thought it had upset me that much, but when I went to bed last night, I crawled between the covers, and burst into tears, quietly wailing my heart out in grief - but not because he was mad (which would have made at least a little sense) but because he wasnt crawling into bed with me to wrap his arms around me and ease my grieving loneliness.

I saw him today, you'd think some of that pain would subside with the sight of him, but it didnt even melt a tiny bit. I miss him so much...

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