Body dysphoria

 :venting: as E makes me feel like an ass for my own small level of gender dysphoria.. I have never enjoyed my body (no, not even then) and I'm in the bathroom, neki getting ready to leave and he makes me stop to look for something with my boobs hanging out... And gets defensive (after he's asked me to get him some pants after his bath, btw) and I growl that he's making me annoyed because he's asked me for something that I just told him I didn't know where it was and he won't let up on asking cause 'he wants it's.. so I have to start digging through drawers to find wtfever he wants fuck if I know where it is, even though I've already told him I don't.. so don't get annoyed with him, but my useless flabs of skin are pulling down on my shoulders cause they're flopping free and useless. So I that's what I tell him, that they're useless flabs of skin.. and he has the audacity to CORRECT my feelings!

"Useless, they're not useless"

"They never produced milk, they didn't do what the gods created them for, they're useless"

"They're not useless, they did produce milk" (a couple drops, each child; relying on them would have seen me childless, tg for formula) they're fucking useless...


I don't want to be a guy, the rod isn't much more useful than the blobs of flesh.. but there are eras where I wish I didn't have them.


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  1. First off, your feelings are just that, feelings... Whether or not he agrees with it is irrelevant. They are valid. He had no right to speak to you like that... But I'm going to get off that soap box before I get too involved. As for the body/gender dysphoria... Yes Im going to circle back around to the gender thing again, because, it has been mentioned before and even 3 times in this conversation alone. But I will say this, you are not alone. We all have things about our bodies that we wished were different. It's part of our conditioning as part of the patriarch. personally I have always hated how my face looks, how big my feet are. Everything else about my body, can and has changed through GAHT (current name for hormone replacement) We formulate some vision in our head of how we should look to others, specifically to our peers... No not the people we want to be with, but the people we subliminally see as competitors to the attentions we seek. (I'm actually dealing with something similar to an extent as we speak, but I will get back to that). While I try to preach self love (mostly because that's what I'm being forced to learn lately) I know it's hard... Looking in the mirror shows us our unaltered, unavoidable truth. The parts of us that we try to not think about when we are not looking in the mirror. But ultimately it's that image that we have to wake up to and go to bed with every day. While there are things that can be done to change these aspects breast reductions, plastic surgeries, nips and tucks that can be done, they are usually expensive, and insurance will not cover "elective" surgeries, unless you prove you are suicidal for it. That being the case, where does that leave us? Save up money that we don't necessarily have, get therapy to learn how to deal with our dysmorphia, or just "get over it"? The options are not kind. Now I'm gonna blow your mind... While I agree that you are pretty stable in your gender as a woman, I feel that your body dysphoria, is also borderline gender dysphoria, in that being non-binary is a thing... Also considered transgender. And before you get on the defensive, that doesn't mean you have to change your pronouns, or sexuality. It's just being aware of your truth and living it authentically... (Aka finding self love in knowing who and what you are about).
  2. I know a lot of cisgendered women that identify as NB, they don't shave there legs/arm pits, they dress how th fuck they want and don't care what others think about how they live their lives, and I will admit, it's actually sexy AF to me but that's another story lolol

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