Dear O;

...i knew from the start it would be an uphill battle, reclaiming your soul from the obliette it'd been cast into. i saw it in your eyes years ago, you'd already surrendered that struggle. i didn't know you from a stranger on the street, but from the start i felt a pull I couldn't ignore. Twice over you reminded me of people i hadn't fought hard enough to save. Once you remind me of my dearly departed SW, he lost a battle i didn't know he was fighting. i can, but can't forgive myself for lossing that one. Twice you reminded me of a man from my past that faded beyond my reach for lack of understandings and miscommunications. He was adrift in time, and even in the silence that stretched between us, i loved the memory of a person i no longer knew. In you, i thought i saw both of these people, a person worth fighting for with every ounce of whatever i had left in me.

Now, today, i'm still fighting that fight, but i'm starting to ask why. You've made it abundantly clear that you aren't willing to continue fighting yourself, so why am i doggedly still fighting for something you obviously don't want anymore. You curse me for bringing you back to your heart, in same breath as saying you love me. Then you're confused why i go silent, the answer is simple, i'm trying to remember why i'm still breathing. If you no longer want 'this' than why do i?

Why do i try?

Why do i fight?

Why do i love?

Why do i keep going?

Why don't i just let go...? i know there are people out here that love me, but if there isn't you, why is there me?