Dear O;

You blew up at me today because I couldn't suppress my worry for a week. But when I think about it, you went dark two weeks ago (Monday), when your phone broke, and then silent Wednesday - which I assume is when your break started. I knew something was wrong with our last connection, so yea your silence scared me.

I've lost friends in that silence, and I didn't want to lose you. You keep telling me to be ready, cause one day you may not be there, and a part of me is terrified by that reality. It is that part of me that raises up when you go quiet, the terrified part that doesn't want to lose you. The part of me that has pinned itself to your existence, for life or death, better or worse; the part of you that will plunge into the Silence at your heels, because every hope that remains to it has left.

If I must abide here, to vows I made too soon, I have to know there is something waiting for me, and not just something but someone - ready to catch me when this reality is ripped out from under me.

At present (and until there is no hope left to US) YOU are that someone. There is nothing more between us now than emotional affection and emotional admiration. But one day if the fates allow, that may change and we will be whole on a level far exceeding current standards.

At least, I hope for that to be true. Only time will tell what will become of us. I will not give up, I cannot give up - on you, on us. I made that promise once, and I will stand on it. I don't care about your history, even as I watch it unfold. One day I will wrap you iny arms, and help you see what love really is. I'll take the scars, the shattered pieces, and help you put them back together - at your own pace. I want to fix you, but I know it's not my job. My job is simply to sit with you while you work on yourself - when you want to. I love you, I will support you, in darkness, and in light.