Dearest O;

i was worried by Saturday, but holding it together, because i knew you had a broken phone.. but i know you, love, you'd find a way to reach out and check in.. Saturday afternoon i asked birdbrain if she'd heard from you, knowing she'd bully her way into some form of communication with you. Sunday i was still holding it together, but the worry was fraying my control.

Monday i had agreed to drive down to help Sissy with a Dr apt for her man, and DB helped with gas for that, so i drove down after telling hodenkobold exactly what i was going to do, and i drove down. Helped Sissy, picked up DB, and since all of the "official" stuff was done by 1pm i drove over to the park. i was confident then that i'd find you napping on a bench somewhere in the heat. When i didn't find you at you at the park, THAT was when my control snapped.

i drove home after searching for a couple three hours round and round, the liquor store, around the college and back to the park, up to a different park, and back to Sylvan.

After 3 i grappled control enough to drive away, empty handed, even though i didn't want to. DB came up to the ranch with me, and stayed a few days - her presence helped a little (i confided in her a few of my secrets).

Wednesday she hopped the train back home, and that was when my control started slipping more. i drove home in quiet tears. Regained control as i walked into the house. Wednesday we ran errands, and Sprite caught me quietly crying as we drove back to the ranch with everything done. i wanted to just drive back down to the park and search more.

That was birdbrain started blowing up my phone with her own search updates. Then she found you'd been picked up and i went to my brother and asked for another record search. So i knew you'd been detained, held, and given work release. But Thursday night i couldn't go anywhere. So i sat in silence, an odd mix of worry and relief. Then i woke this morning with messages from birdbrain that she'd collected you.. it was the first full breathe i'd taken since Sunday.