Dearest Gentle Reader;

I'm sitting here in the silence of a house that no longer feels like home. I know I could call and hear your voice, and in hearing it my mood would lift. But it's a temporary fix for a long term addiction.

I know staying here, away from you, was my decision; but I need you to understand it was a decision made with my head, not my heart. My heart is screaming 'treason' with every beat, but my head is ruling my actions.

We're I to listen to my heart, I'd be on the road to you every second of the last year, I'd be laying on floors and couches, and park benches beside you. I'd be struggling to survive at your side, happily discontent with the world, right along with you. I'd wrap my arms around you in the dark, and feel content because I'd be by your side.

But the mind tells me that my heart lies. While I'd profess happiness, I'd be longing for the warmth of a roof and walls. Most everything else, my mind agrees, could be done without, but the shelter is a necessity.

I like my things, but I was happy in an apartment, ages ago. I only needed the house when I had youth to protect. I'd be happy to go back to a studio rental, if I had you at my side.

I've been arguing with myself these last few weeks, about my decisions. Arguing between heart and head. My addiction Vs my security.

I wish I'd found a way to go to you tonight. I miss you, so deeply.