Frozen and Missing O

Well that was fun...

Just spent about 10min standing in a corner of my kitchen "cleaning it" frozen and locked in place.  My face is soaked, and my head hurts. Im letting him down, and i want to tell him but I don't want him disappointed in me either.

When I finally managed to get out of the freeze state, I dropped about 3 days worth of mushroom coffee trying to move the bowl it stores in to clean under it. And my arms hurt from exertion. I don't know if its from pushing E's chair, holding E's things, or the freeze. But for some reason I cant turn off the waterworks, and all I can think is that I really want O here, to wrap his arms around me for a moment until this passes and i can regroup.

I am his queen, i CAN handle this, but im not sure i can without him; and right now hes been rather quiet. I wish he could just move back here and be here for me. I know he wants to, he's said so. There's just this 5'9" barrier - which is 90% of why I want him here...

Gods I miss him. I guess the shift hasn't stopped shifting, cause everytime I spend any time with him, I feel things shift. The new band sings more on my hand than the old

And i cant stop the gods damn tears!!.