Fear of Loss & Depression

Another day, another tearful drive back to the ranch. I drove out to help him and his roommate pack up the apartment, but by the time I left I was feeling marginally unwanted. The Kunt was there calling the shots like it was her place, and I just wanted to shove a dirty sock in her mouth and her down the stairs. I understood the guys were feeling overwhelmed, so I only offered suggestions to help with the packing procedure - never told them what to do. That Kunt, however, was full of 'do it this way' and 'we'll do it that' all over the place. I understand she's used to controling things (or thinking she is) but she was overstepping left and right.
When I left, it was late, and I was no longer useful (tired, sore, and tapped out) but I'd have been just as content to curl up on a half-packed bed and take a nap as drive 2 hours back to a place I no longer feel comfortable.
So I drove home, looking through pools and struggling to breathe; my cheeks wet from the overflow. Every time I leave his side cuts me and no amount of physical pain alleviates it. I feel like my soul is bleeding out, draining away. But I can't explain this to anyone because it shouldn't be him that affects me like this. My heart shouldn't be his, my soul shouldn't feel like it's thriving in his presence. He tells me that when he's with me (just in my presense) he forgets for a time to hate himself; and I crave to make that permanent.

He's terrified of lossing me, and im terrified of loosing him. We make a decent co-dependant pair.

I just want to crawl into bed and sleep the next month away.