Fighting the Spiral

How do i sum up a day where i spiraled into a rabbit hole, but fought tooth and nail to keep from sliding into that same hole. Latching on to the love of those around me to help anchor me as I slid further and further into the nothing.

I need him to fight for his daughter. I want him to fight for me. I know the difference in desires, I'm not blind. But once the day started really rolling the hole vanished. I could still feel myself sliding into it, but the requirement to Mask kept it from swallowing me. I slid a little at a time, each break in driving, every time I had a moment when I wasn't going full throttle.

So I went from PTC to bus stops, from bus stops to the ranch, from the ranch to the lodge, and worked at keeping my mind busy there. And when things started to slow, I called O. He kept my mind moving enough to keep me from sliding further (without my saying I needed help), and I'm grateful. But now, at 2322, I've showered, chatted with T, and now I sit in the living room, watching some show, and writing this. And when I close this, I'll open a book and let myself fall into the pages.