Tired and Torn

So, today i stifled myself while talking to O. He doesnt like to hear when im embracing my depression (anymore than I like hearing his, tbh). So when i expose my scars he fights against them same as I do.

E tells me that I change when I hang out around O. But I change because I feel safe around O, can open myself up to be me, around O. Because he can recognize the darkness I keep bottled up.

And today, I stopped myself from explaining to O than my being tired is more complicated than being tired. That I want to sleep, to escape; and held back that unless he's here when it wake up, i really don't *want* to wake up.

I don't want to be here, taking care of Vernon, because i'd rather be there, taking care of O.

Im getting the same advise from two people, who hear my venting and are on two separate sides of the perspective. But I don't know if they're right...I don't know if they're wrong either.

O once called the dragon a narcissist. Before the dragon turned up again, as a pheonix. Today the pheonix admitted to becoming a narcissist (without my telling them anything about it) and called Vernon a narcissist in turn.

Hearing the same advice from two different people, has me thinking. And it makes me tired, worn out, drained. I desperately want all of this to end without my having to break anyone. If I move, I hurt someone and I cant do that..

I want to sleep, to wake only to O.