Conflicted Love

You tell me the hope is going out in my gaze, but I feel it's the opposite. I feel as though the conflict is slowly resolving.

I don't want to let my parents down, my father had faith that I would make the right choice when I was conflicted between Lucian and E, but I wasn't. I didn't want Lucian, not long term; he was a means of escape.

My parents sent me away for a month so I could ‘get my head on straight’, and they were right then. My father told my husband that I would go back to him, and in the end, I did.

I almost left to be with Ryan because I was feeling neglected and J and I were constantly fighting over finances. Ryan only wanted the next forbidden thing, and I saw it then, but it was what I thought I wanted. He was the forbidden fruit with grand promises of peace, and I wanted it. He handed me the leash about his throat, and bowed to me as his master, and I was tempted. He was a flirt, with everything that had boobs.

So forgive me, please, if I have reservations. I've seen it before, heard it before; but I've never felt it like I do where you're involved. When I set the collar about your throat, I held back because I wanted to see what you would do.

In one instant you're doing something that causes me to slip just a bit further under your influence; and in the next moment, you're doing something that causes me to pause. Conflicted, in love, but lost in concern.

You ask me what I want, and it's simple. I want peace, passion, compassion, communication, love, security, faith, trust, a fighting spirit. I want something I'm told I can't have.